Assure that @5 knows you still care             '
about the target behavior.                      '
                                                '
If you do not care about the target behavior,   '
then why should @5 care?  Most behavior         '
requires outside support to start and to keep   '
going.  This is best supported by assuring that '
the rewards for the behavior as well as the     '
consequences for not doing it keep coming.      '
                                                '
                                                '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Children often get confused when a big deal is  '
made to start behavior and then, once it gets   '
going, it doesn't seem to make a difference if  '
it is done or not.  The parental position is    '
maintained if the parental emphasis is kept up. '
                                                '
Ask yourself:                                   '
  *  How much has my initial support for the    '
     behavior diminished over time?             '
  *  What needs to be done to reinstate or      '
     revitalize the accountability?             '
  *  Can I find ways to respond to the behav-   '
     ior that are higher profile than usual?    '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Very young children try out many things, some   '
by chance and some by design.  The things the   '
caretakers notice are the things that are tried '
again and again.  When behavior finally leads to'
someplace of value, it is preserved.            '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Making periodic checks on what @5          '
     is doing.                                  '
  *  Showing @5 that you like it when           '
     you see anything that is close to the be-  '
     havior you want.                           '
  *  Ignoring other things that are happening.  '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Children of this age are very sensitive to what '
really matters to their caretakers.  They will  '
often test the limits to see if you really care.'
Being sure that you care and acting accordingly '
is a way to establish a firm basis.             '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Moderating your response to behavior by    '
     how much it actually means to you.         '
  *  Consistently making a big deal about what  '
     really matters to you.                     '
  *  Consistently ignoring things that do not   '
     make a difference to you.                  '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Children of this age often get distracted by    '
fads and what makes a difference to those out-  '
side of the family.  Consistently calling       '
@5's attention to the fact that you matter      '
as well assures that you will be taken into     '
account.                                        '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Keeping in touch with @5 and what          '
     @3 is doing to show it matters to you.     '
  *  Comparing what @3 does with what you       '
     would like and reaffirming that it matters '
     to you.                                    '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Pre-adolescents get distracted by their internal'
changes and feelings as well as others.  Your   '
goal is to help them see what really matters and'
to give them the chance to decide for themselves'
the things they are mature enough to handle.    '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Being as clear and consistent as possible  '
     in what you expect and why.                '
  *  Talking with @5 about what @3 is           '
     doing and why @3 is doing it.              '
  *  Discussing how the target behavior is      '
     better for @1 and why.  Encourage @1 .     '
         MAINTAINING DESIRABLE BEHAVIOR         '
                                                '
Adolescents often finding breaking away from    '
parents and others a painful process.  If the   '
child lives in the home, @3 must still obey     '
the rules that govern the home and acknowledge  '
the parent's right to make and enforce those    '
rules.                                          '
                                                '
Try:                                            '
  *  Making rules that encapsulate the target   '
     behavior that are binding on all family    '
     members in an age appropriate way.         '
  *  Allowing @5 to choose to obey in           '
     the same way others do with the same price.'
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '
                                                '